The words of the tongue should have three gatekeepers

Yesterday, I did a presentation on managing the caregiver role at Goodman’s Furniture, thanks to an invitation from Sharyl Price of the Caregivers Resource Institute.  One topic touched on was the challenge of intra-family communication when adult children are under the stress of caregiving for a parent of deteriorating health and diminishing capacity.

That discussion brought to mind the challenge of human communication in general and the following Arab proverb a friend shared with me awhile ago.

“The words of the tongue should have three gatekeepers. “
  

The first gatekeeper asks “Is it true?”  (That would stop a lot of speculation and gossip right there). 

The second gatekeeper asks “Is it kind?

For those who qualify for the first two, there is a final question.  The third gatekeeper asks “Is it necessary?”

The power of one

 We’ve all heard the story of the man throwing one starfish at a time back into the sea from a beach filled with them.  Mother Theresa said it this way:

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. 

At at Beatitudes Center DOAR, we say “making a difference, one person at a time.”

When we look at the various needs in our community, it can seem overwhelming.  But should never be the excuse for doing nothing.  When each of us does what we can, when each of us contributes a little time, it all adds up.

That’s the beauty of volunteering with Beatitudes Center DOAR.  Alot of us doing a little, much is accomplished, including over 900 homebound people who are able to remain living independently with dignity in their own homes. 

Each of us doing a little bit, what we can…….it adds up.

Gray Hair

Eknath Easwaren, founder of the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation in Tamales, California, in his book Words to Live By {(c) Blue Mountain Center of Mediation}  relates a joke from his native India.  A man goes to the barber and asks “Do you have anything for gray hair?” 

“Yes,” the barber says, “respect.”

Real beauty

A friend shared her concern about discovering a couple of gray hairs on her head which she plucked out.  She groaned when I assured her more will appear.  But when I asked if she would really like to live through puberty/adolescence again,  her reply was a  resounding ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

Youth has a lot to offer, of course, but so does the experience of age.
And real living,  with or without gray hair, comes from making a contribution to life.

Indeed, this is one of life’s paradoxes.   No matter one’s chronological age, when a person fixates on his or her physical appearance,  the body loses some of its beauty.  But when we use the body as an instrument given to us so we can serve others –”forgetting self” in the process  – the body glows with a special beauty and light.

The Thought for the Day is today’s entry from Eknath Easwaran’s Words to Live By. (Copyright 1999 and 2005 by The Blue Mountain Center of Meditation.)

Quotables

Once the game of life is over the king and the pawns go back in the same box.  Anonymous

(Printed in the July 15, 2007 Sunday worship bulletin of Southminster Presbyterian Church, Phoenix AZ)

iPhone iPhume

On Friday, June 29, when I turned on the 5:30 news on a local TV channel, the coverage was all about the iPhone…or rather about people standing/sitting in line all day to be one of the first to buy one. 

One news reporter interviewed several hopefuls in line outside of the AT&T outlet at Tatum and Shea.  Most had been there since early morning “braving” the 106-degree temperatures.  When asked why he was doing this, one young man said, “I just have to have one.”

The reporter, “warming up” to the subject as he strolled down the line of shorts-clad people standing or sitting in portable canvas beach chairs, asked a 30-something woman how she was holding up.

“It’s hard,” she said, “but with (bottled) water and going into the shade every so often, I am managing it.”

At 6:50 p.m., the iPhone buyers were still the big news of the day.  Another TV channel showed a man exiting the store with his new iPhone in hand, exclaiming “I’m overwhelmed with joy!”

Why did this whole “news” coverage incense me so?  (Indeed I didn’t blog about it last week, cuz I really didn’t want to rant.)

Maybe it was because that same Friday, my day off, I had read about the number of children worldwide who die before reaching the age of 5 from malnutrition and disease, much of it due to the lack of potable water. Or maybe because the U.S. Congress doesn’t seem moved to action to provide health coverage for all children of the working poor in our own country.   Maybe because I have lived in places were young women stand in line for hours or walk miles under the hot sun every day for something they really have to have– water. 

If a news reporter would ask them how they were holding up, would any of them answer,  “It’s hard….but I am managing it.”

I wonder, because despite their waiting and walking and carrying, many of their young children still die–without ever having been overwhelmed with joy, much less over an iPhone.

Who is my neighbor?

One of the joys of work as Outreach Coordinator with Beatitudes Center DOAR’s VICaP Faith in Action program is that I am invited to share about Beatitudes Center DOAR during worship services in churches and temples throughout the Valley.

Sunday, July 15, 2007, for example, I was blessed to attend services at Southminster Presbyterian Church, 1923 East Broadway, Phoenix.  Elder Reginald Ragland in his sermon and Clarissa Ragland in her children’s message talked about one of the most famous parables in the Bible – The Good Samaritan and what it means to be a neighbor.

“Who is my neighbor?”  Challenged the lawyer after being told the story of the priest and the Levite who passed by a man who had been robbed, beaten and left in the gutter for dead while a Samaritan stopped and helped him.  The answer is, of course, anyone in need.  It is no accident that in our VICaP Faith in Action program, the folks who call us for our services such as grocery shopping, visiting, transportation, mail sorting, home repairs, etc., are called our “neighbors.” 

For that is at the heart of what Beatitudes Center DOAR is all about, neighbors helping neighbors.  Such a simple concept and yet so vital in this ever-growing Valley of the Sun where some of us don’t even know the names of the family next door. 

As as for the Good Samaritan story, which of us has not at times been the person bruised by life who needs a little help while at other times has been the person who is able to give some help.  Giving and receiving, receiving and giving.  The ebb and flow of life.

  

New AZ Respite Care Bill – Help for Caregivers

 Good news. 

Thanks to the efforts spearheaded by Valley Interfaith Project (VIP) under the capable and dedicated leadership of VIP Executive Team member Bonnie Danowski,  herself a family caregiver, the Arizona legislature has passed and Governor Janet Napolitano has signed new legislation which establishes the Lifespan Respite Care Program.  The law appropriates $500,000 for respite care for Arizona families who do not qualify for other state assistance.

With this legislation the State of Arizona has become one of only five states in the U. S. to offer a formalized respite care program.

“This is a wonderful development.  It gives family caregivers another opportunity to get the help they need.  We are very fortunate in our state to have leaders who understand the demands on and needs of caregivers,” notes Donna Heppermann, Director of the Generations program  at Beatitudes Center DOAR.

Of course, our Generations program, under Donna’s capable leadership  has been in the forefront of providing resources and support to family caregivers since its inception in 1985.   And through our VICaP Faith in Action program, volunteers provide up to 2 1/2 hours per week of respite care for family caregivers free of charge.

While Donna may be too modest to say so, let’s give credit where credit is due.  It is because of her leadership in running our Generations program, our founder Dr. Dosia Carlson’s recognition that respite care was an important service to include in our VICaP Faith in Action program, their  advocacy as well as the advocacy of our Executive Director Elizabeth Burnstein Banta in representing the needs of aging adults on various committees and forums over the years–and others like them– that has raised public and policymaker awareness of the needs of family caregivers and has supported the efforts to address the issues.

And make no mistake about it, family caregiver issues are or will touch most of us.  According to AARP’s press release of June 28, 2007 re the AZ respite-care bill, there are 570,000 family caregivers in Arizona, and nationwide 80% of all longterm care is provided by familes.  Indeed, a study by the National Alliance for Caregivers and MetLife  estimates that the loss to productivity to U. S. business due to family caregiving responsibilities reaches a staggering $34 billion per year, an average per employee of $2,110.  

Beatitudes Center DOAR is committed to continue to address the issues and to  do something about them.  We invite you to join us.  Contact us at 602 274-5022 to find out how you can:

Schedule our program for your employees “Are You Feeling Like a Sandwich?” which addresses family caregiving issues,  accessing community resources, improving effective family communication and resolving family tensions.

Get  a schedule of our Generations caregiver support groups, workshops and retreats as well as to access caregiver resources and information. 

Find out how you can  help provide  a “timeout” break for a caregiver through our VICaP Faith in Action program.

Obtain  information on how you can become a donor, supporting the services provided to family caregivers through Beatitudes Center Doar. 

The 4th of July

One of the privileges I have as Outreach Coordinator for the VICaP Faith in Action program of Beatitudes Center DOAR is to attend various worship services of the faith communities that  are our covenantal partners.  This past Sunday, July 1, the congregation of Shepherd of the Hills Congregational Church (UCC) in Phoenix, one of our covenantal partner congregations, recited a litany entitled “July 4th Litany” during its worship service.  I have printed it in its entirety below as my way to wish all who read this post a Happy 4th of July. 

We are the children of God.  Some of us come through many centures from native peoples whose history in this land has no recorded beginning.

We are the children of God.  Some of us come through many centuries from Spanish, French and English sailors who arrived here to conquer a new world.

We are the children of God.  Some of us come through a couple of centuries from Africans who were forced to come.

 We are the childrenof God.  Some of us come through a couple of centuries from Asians desperate for a way to earn a living.

We are the children of God.  Some of us come through this century from Latin Americas fleeing oppression.

We are the children of God.  Some of us come through this century from Mexico seeking a way to feed their children.

 We are the children of God.  God, we are your children.  United us into a loving family.  Amen.

  

Founders Fone Bank

A dynamic group of our volunteers gathered this last Monday night (June 18),  hosted by Development Committee member Joe Palmer in his beautiful offices at Wedbush Morgan Securities in Scottsdale, to participate in a “phone bank.”  The purpose:  to thank donors who responded to the challenge grant last summer which established our Annual Founder’s Appeal–Honoring Dosia Carlson’s Dream and to welcome new donors to our Circle of Caring.

“Conversations between the phoners and donors were lively,” reports our Development  Director Eva Scholfield., citing as an example Development Committee member Arnold Schwartz’s discussions with several donors  about our March 2007 Jazz Cabaret  at the Arizona Biltmore featuring jazz classic Dennis Rowland.  The feedback was overwhelmingly enthusiastic with attendees looking forward to the 2008 event.

The fact that the phoners and the donors found such joy in discussing Beatitudes Center DOAR is, of course, not surprising.  They share the passion to continue to make Founder Dr. Dosia Carlson’s Dream a realty.  And at the heart of that Dream– in the mission of Beatitudes Center DOAR to enhance the quality of life for older adults and their families–is people working together, helping one another, building relationships, building community.  No wonder there is such shared enthusiasm.  Dreamers all, by contributing their time and financial resources, they are assuring the dream is a reality–providing the resources and services which make such a difference in the lives of those we serve, day after day, all year long, year after year.  Twenty-five years….and counting.